iwonder

iwonder: how to stay childlike without being childish
how to keep believing love really does change everything
when to guard my heart
where to pour out my passion
where to spend time
how to keep wonder and awe lubricated
how to be diligent in caring for this healthy body given me
who's life will intersect with mine next
what story needs to be told
how to create more beautiful memories
what to creatively produce
who to trust
how to love well
what muscles and skills need developed more
what beliefs need readjusted to match what is true
how to learn better critical thinking
what the second half will be like
how to live like I believe the best is yet to come
how to grow an unoffendable heart
where the next adventure will take me
when the page will turn
what the next chapter will say
how to 'be more curious than furious'
when I'll know that it was all meant for good in the end
when the tears will grow something good for others to enjoy
why i am so blessed

Craig's New Knee

Craig is the proud owner of a new knee today.  Yesterday's surgery went well, although it took longer for the surgeon to clean up old scar tissue and burrs.  It was 3 or more long hours after I knew he came through surgery ok before the message came that he was recovering and being taken to his room.

One of the funniest things was the pre-op nurse as she tried to get his circulation stockings over his bear paw feet and huge muscled calves.  She grunted and groaned, heaved and sweated and almost broke a nail along with punching a hole in the things.

Someone in surgery drew a smiley face on the pad of his big toe.  It was the first thing greeting us and  made us all smile.  The drugs made him talk non-stop.  We giggled into our sleeves at how animated he was towards evening.  Sleeping on his back makes his snoring really loud, so I'm sure he's famous.

Today was wonderful.  He walked around the floor several times, sat up most the day and faithfully did his excercises all day long.  His extension is amazing and he is bending easily to 90 degrees. The self-medicating narcotics which had a joy button he could punch every 6 minutes if he wanted to, was never used.

It seemed like Dr. Bill Huong has all the bases covered for premium recovery.  He likes his patients to use an 'aircast' ice water cooled pack that lasts 6 hours from right after surgery for 2 weeks.  It isn't ice, so is able to stay strapped on continuously.  He also gave a nausea patch behind the ear so there weren't any side effects from the anesthesia. The pain cocktail he gives his patients right before surgery helps the pain cycle not get started after surgery.  When he checked in on Craig, it seemed like he was the poster child for a successful procedure.  He looked proud of himself and Craig.  :)

Most of all he has been a ray of sunshine to anyone who has the privilege of caring for him.  His smile, his gratitude and attitude is contagious. Tess, Brita, Mike, Mary, Shelly, Pat and our beloved friend and neighbor Jon came to visit.  That was the sweetest thing.  Craig has spent many hours visiting people in hospitals and nursing homes and it came back around to bless him big time.

I crawled in bed with him tonight before I left, for a warm snuggle inside his strong arms. His broad chest felt like the safest place in the world. It is Christmas Eve after all.  The nurse peeked in, grinned and said, "I don't see this" as she left us.

All is right in our world.  "Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow, you're only a day away."

Paper Dolls

This is a collection of paper doll costumes from my mom and a few from her mother.  They have pieces missing; some are torn. A few are taped together.  The times I was allowed to get them out to play with, were epic memories.  Only mom knew which broken head went to what body, and which doll the clothes went on. Grandma would draw clothes and cut out pretty models from Sear's catalogues to add to the menagerie. Those did not survive.

The paper is velvety soft from age and use. They are getting fragile - acid free didn't exist yet.  I don't get them out to look at very much, but when I do, the texture of the memories come back.  I imagined

how the cloth felt and what sound it would make as it swished around the elegant and shapely legs of one wearing it. Starched cotton, slick silk, elegant fur, shiny satin ~ all had distinct sensory input far  beyond the mere one dimensional printed paper.

As a simple country girl, the elegance and grandeur of the clothes fascinated me.  This was a different world than mine. Trying to imagine where these costumes were worn was as impossible as wondering what happened after a kiss.

Was the lace possibly from Belgium or France?  Handmade needle lace from an old woman by the light of a candle.  The velvet trim seemed softer than the fur on my kitten's belly.

It was enticing to wonder what underclothes might be worn underneath all these layers. What accessories would match?  Jewelry? Hair styles. The coats with muffs still attached were special treasures. A girl with her delicate hands in a muff would certainly have a beaux, or several. It was the highest pinnacle of sophisticated romance.

Imagination is still free.  Memories last forever. Playing can't be replaced with anything else.

More Paper Dolls

Three's Not a Crowd

Remember that old song, "Torn Between Two Lovers"? I have two lovers. It isn't a hard thing to confess. I'm not ashamed of this, embarrassed or torn. Neither am I breaking any rules.  

They both waited for me to realize how much I loved them. Both chose me for bride. They made me the girl in the story, lavish me with goodwill and see me as the apple of their eye.

I will never have to be a widow, as I will be able to live with both of them forever.

They offer comfort and security. One of them is able to disappoint me and fail me at times, the other one never will - he is incapable. He's lover number one, which doesn't faze number two!

They both offer me their strength. I believe and trust them both with my life. Not only are they good friends, but they make great fathers for our children. Involved, engaged, and connected.

It is unbelievable, but in this love triangle we have going, no one is jealous or threatened. We are all secure, knowing there is more than enough love to wrap around the bundle that is us. That old saying that a cord of three strands is not easily broken, fits perfectly.

I have to mention this; the man at the top of our little love triangle is the son of a king. Royalty. It wasn't common knowledge when he was born to a poor unknown village girl. We can't keep quiet about it.

He has many names, but we call him Emmanuel.